Tuesday, July 30, 2002
As hard as I may try... I never seem to find enough time on hand to even say a few words on my very own blogspot... Sigh... Do I lack the perserverence? Or am I really REALLY soOo tied up? Tied up? With wat?!
At 20... I'm already finding life such a bore... Such a chore... Is there really nothing in this world that can interest me for long? Computer games... My ally against lonely sleepless nights... My ultimate excuse/reason for singlehood... My "inspiration" for my imaginery "Bachelors' Club"... It's slowly giving up on me... Or should I say I'm gettin sick of it... My comp's falling back? Need an upgrade? Even the latest games like "WarCraft3 : Reign of Chaos" can't keep me at the edge of my seat... How often I was told straight in my face to get a life... Instead of facing my monitor every night... Talking to faceless frens on the net... My reaction? "You nOObs know nuts abt the importance, joy and learning power of computer games man!!!" And I thought I knew better...
Right now... I do have a short term interest... And that's gettin my license... I'm already at Stage 2 So... Question is... How long can it last? How long can my wallet be able to take it? And if I pass... Wat next?! Sure I do understand the simple logic of enjoying the simple pleasures of life... But... But... As much as I hate to admit this... I need a partner in my life... Someone to help me enjoy... I think... I used to think... It's really all in the head... That I can and will continue to enjoy and live a carefree life as long I allow myself to do so... Well... Apparently not anymore...
This problem of mine is certainly taking its toil on me... I get irritated easily by others... I'm constantly annoyed... Always thinking of getting into fights... I'm very impatient... Even when learning to drive... I seek solace in cigarettes and smoke... But that itself is juz another excuse to mask the frustration that has built up in me... All the injustice... Grievances and helplessness I've felt... What's happened to the loveable likeable Berd of yesteryear? Gone with my passion for life...
At 20... I'm already finding life such a bore... Such a chore... Is there really nothing in this world that can interest me for long? Computer games... My ally against lonely sleepless nights... My ultimate excuse/reason for singlehood... My "inspiration" for my imaginery "Bachelors' Club"... It's slowly giving up on me... Or should I say I'm gettin sick of it... My comp's falling back? Need an upgrade? Even the latest games like "WarCraft3 : Reign of Chaos" can't keep me at the edge of my seat... How often I was told straight in my face to get a life... Instead of facing my monitor every night... Talking to faceless frens on the net... My reaction? "You nOObs know nuts abt the importance, joy and learning power of computer games man!!!" And I thought I knew better...
Right now... I do have a short term interest... And that's gettin my license... I'm already at Stage 2 So... Question is... How long can it last? How long can my wallet be able to take it? And if I pass... Wat next?! Sure I do understand the simple logic of enjoying the simple pleasures of life... But... But... As much as I hate to admit this... I need a partner in my life... Someone to help me enjoy... I think... I used to think... It's really all in the head... That I can and will continue to enjoy and live a carefree life as long I allow myself to do so... Well... Apparently not anymore...
This problem of mine is certainly taking its toil on me... I get irritated easily by others... I'm constantly annoyed... Always thinking of getting into fights... I'm very impatient... Even when learning to drive... I seek solace in cigarettes and smoke... But that itself is juz another excuse to mask the frustration that has built up in me... All the injustice... Grievances and helplessness I've felt... What's happened to the loveable likeable Berd of yesteryear? Gone with my passion for life...
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Geez... It been so long yet again... Hahaha... I'm really not working hard to enuff to make sure I get an entry in everyday huh?
Saturday:
It was a hellish day as I stuggled so hard to keep awake for most periods of the day... And my job scope there as that "Look-out Post" ain't helping either... Sitting together and blending in with the crowd in that big air-conditioned indoor stadium... I saw that sweet contigent commander that day a couple of times... But never plucked up enough courage to actually walk up to her to speak with her... BERD!!!
Sunday:
Morning's soccer was terrible... We thought we could contain that monster and his team... Or so we thought... For the 1st half... It stood at 0-0... But at full time... We were comprehensively beaten 3-0... DAMN@! Afternoon was spent with my other grp of frens... At a LAN shop... After which... I was given intensive training at Tong Whye "Physical Training" club... A totally senseless club... Free membership... Free entry... Free food... Free drinks... Free TV to watch... The only few things that's not free are those arcade machines... Jackpot machines... And those pool and billiard tables... Honestly speaking... It's too good to be true... Feel quite uneasy abt this... Must be a scam or something... Gotta be careful on this... But still... Very grateful for that intensive training pool / billiard training... Certainly felt as if I'm so much better than before! d(^o^)b
Monday:
Back to office as per normal... How exciting can it possibly get? Quote of the day for Monday: "Come on man fren... I've been working on that for the past 6 months or so... If I give it to you now... Then it would be your credit! Not mine!" This got to be the quote of the century for the best XxXxX (Can't think of anything right now...) man! But I learnt something from it too though... It has awoken me to the harsh reality of life... That it's a dog-eat-dog world out there... And that no one... Is ever so willing to help you unless he stands to gain in some way or another... Even thought we're from the same organisation... A sad day for humanity...
Tuesday:
Which is today! Had a taste of wat backpacking in other country would feel like... LoLz... Had to hitch a ride to get to that blasted EIF building... KNN... Nvm Berd... Juz give it to him... He kind of "helped" you in a way too... Rite? Heh!
Saturday:
It was a hellish day as I stuggled so hard to keep awake for most periods of the day... And my job scope there as that "Look-out Post" ain't helping either... Sitting together and blending in with the crowd in that big air-conditioned indoor stadium... I saw that sweet contigent commander that day a couple of times... But never plucked up enough courage to actually walk up to her to speak with her... BERD!!!
Sunday:
Morning's soccer was terrible... We thought we could contain that monster and his team... Or so we thought... For the 1st half... It stood at 0-0... But at full time... We were comprehensively beaten 3-0... DAMN@! Afternoon was spent with my other grp of frens... At a LAN shop... After which... I was given intensive training at Tong Whye "Physical Training" club... A totally senseless club... Free membership... Free entry... Free food... Free drinks... Free TV to watch... The only few things that's not free are those arcade machines... Jackpot machines... And those pool and billiard tables... Honestly speaking... It's too good to be true... Feel quite uneasy abt this... Must be a scam or something... Gotta be careful on this... But still... Very grateful for that intensive training pool / billiard training... Certainly felt as if I'm so much better than before! d(^o^)b
Monday:
Back to office as per normal... How exciting can it possibly get? Quote of the day for Monday: "Come on man fren... I've been working on that for the past 6 months or so... If I give it to you now... Then it would be your credit! Not mine!" This got to be the quote of the century for the best XxXxX (Can't think of anything right now...) man! But I learnt something from it too though... It has awoken me to the harsh reality of life... That it's a dog-eat-dog world out there... And that no one... Is ever so willing to help you unless he stands to gain in some way or another... Even thought we're from the same organisation... A sad day for humanity...
Tuesday:
Which is today! Had a taste of wat backpacking in other country would feel like... LoLz... Had to hitch a ride to get to that blasted EIF building... KNN... Nvm Berd... Juz give it to him... He kind of "helped" you in a way too... Rite? Heh!
Friday, July 19, 2002
YES! YES! YES! My PC's finally back online~! Woohoo~! Hahahaha~! But I have yet to learn in great detail how exactly to remedy all common problems though... Geez...
Anyway... I'm very much into Initial-D now... An anime involving fast cars and really really cool music... Ever since I watched the 1st episode... I'm more or less addicted to it... Something I can keep myself pre-occupied with... Other than my driving... WC3... T4C... This Blogger thingy... Where got time left for GALS?~!
Juz finished mahjong... Lost $40 in 3 rounds... Sheesh! Witnessed for the 1st time in my MJ career... The 13-Orphans!!! Wah liew~! And to think I actually let him win with the Red Dragon tile I discarded?~! Gawd... Waiting for them to leave before I catch some sleep... Gotta be at Kallang by 1030 hrs... So I should be able to get @ least 2 hours of rest... Hahah~! Until next time... *ZzZzZzZz*
Anyway... I'm very much into Initial-D now... An anime involving fast cars and really really cool music... Ever since I watched the 1st episode... I'm more or less addicted to it... Something I can keep myself pre-occupied with... Other than my driving... WC3... T4C... This Blogger thingy... Where got time left for GALS?~!
Juz finished mahjong... Lost $40 in 3 rounds... Sheesh! Witnessed for the 1st time in my MJ career... The 13-Orphans!!! Wah liew~! And to think I actually let him win with the Red Dragon tile I discarded?~! Gawd... Waiting for them to leave before I catch some sleep... Gotta be at Kallang by 1030 hrs... So I should be able to get @ least 2 hours of rest... Hahah~! Until next time... *ZzZzZzZz*
Thursday, July 18, 2002
Sheesh... I'm beginning to feel the pinch of not being able to use the PC man... I get irritated easily... Almost always in a bad mood... Gawd... When is my bro going to do anything about it?! It's been 4 days only and oredi I'm going crazy... Really don't know how long I can withstand this shit... Sigh...
These days I've been sleeping real early and calling gals... To chat of course... Is this my punishment and retribution for "ignoring" and treating gals as "last priority" for all these years I wonder... Haha! Well... Given a choice between calling gals or even meetin up with them every night and my PC... I think I still prefer my PC to gals... "Why?!" some may ask.. Well... I guess at my age... "Brudders come 1st..." And it's only thru the internet (and online games...) that I can really spend lots of time with the guys... Sigh... I juz hope my PC comes online soon enuff...
Also.. I paid a visit 2 my leave clerk recently and found out that I have 5 days of leave that HAVE to be cleared by this calender year... Notice I used the words "HAVE TO"... Heh! Ever since then I have been planning for a trip to some exotic place man! But it depends on who I'm going with... Whether its those outdoor guys who love some outdoor fun (The Grand Canyon sounds good for them...) or with some Shakespear and Leonardo wannabe-s (Streets of Italy or Spain would be lovely...) or those totally wasted guys who are bubbling with hormones and testosterones (Bangkok and those sleazy nite pubs...) Haha... Will keep you guys updated on this one...
Hopefully I will be able to type my Blogger at my own PC soon enuff... Until then... Adious... *Sigh..*
These days I've been sleeping real early and calling gals... To chat of course... Is this my punishment and retribution for "ignoring" and treating gals as "last priority" for all these years I wonder... Haha! Well... Given a choice between calling gals or even meetin up with them every night and my PC... I think I still prefer my PC to gals... "Why?!" some may ask.. Well... I guess at my age... "Brudders come 1st..." And it's only thru the internet (and online games...) that I can really spend lots of time with the guys... Sigh... I juz hope my PC comes online soon enuff...
Also.. I paid a visit 2 my leave clerk recently and found out that I have 5 days of leave that HAVE to be cleared by this calender year... Notice I used the words "HAVE TO"... Heh! Ever since then I have been planning for a trip to some exotic place man! But it depends on who I'm going with... Whether its those outdoor guys who love some outdoor fun (The Grand Canyon sounds good for them...) or with some Shakespear and Leonardo wannabe-s (Streets of Italy or Spain would be lovely...) or those totally wasted guys who are bubbling with hormones and testosterones (Bangkok and those sleazy nite pubs...) Haha... Will keep you guys updated on this one...
Hopefully I will be able to type my Blogger at my own PC soon enuff... Until then... Adious... *Sigh..*
Monday, July 15, 2002
Geez... For the umpteenth time... My PC has crashed... Due to stacking problems... Viruses.... And for no apparent reason... (Or so I believed...) This could be the 5th 6th 7th time my PC went down in this year alone... In this highly complicated... Intricate and messed up society of ours... Computer have very much been part of our daily lives so much so that we have become very dependent on it... Overly-dependent on it for my case... I juz can't stand a day w/o actually typing away furiously at my keyboard... Can't sleep in ease w/o logging on to any game that I oh-so loved to play even if it's juz for a few seconds... I juz can't help but feel that something's not right when I dun chat with my brother-in-arms on IRC for even a day...
I juz hope my PC can recover soon enuff... It all depends on my bro... Cos he's the techno wiz kid... There is no problem he can't fix.. But unless he can spare a couple of hours... I dun see myself online or playing the crazed t4c anytime soon... "God save the world"... Someone save me...
Summary:
The NDP's totally a big waste of my time...
Enjoyed the nite and movie with her...
Range on Sunday sucked like hell...
Came back FURIOUS to find out comp's down (AGAIN!)
I juz hope my PC can recover soon enuff... It all depends on my bro... Cos he's the techno wiz kid... There is no problem he can't fix.. But unless he can spare a couple of hours... I dun see myself online or playing the crazed t4c anytime soon... "God save the world"... Someone save me...
Summary:
The NDP's totally a big waste of my time...
Enjoyed the nite and movie with her...
Range on Sunday sucked like hell...
Came back FURIOUS to find out comp's down (AGAIN!)
Saturday, July 13, 2002
Hmmm... It seems that I've missed yet another day of blog... Oh well... I came home yesterday in a nasty mood and ended up shouting at my dad... Not very adviseable actually... But... Wat's done cannot be undone... And with this ultra-big ego of mine... I ended up not apologising... Too bad so sad... Life still goes on... Slept at about 8... Woke up the very next morning... Basically wasted yet another nite... Also not very adviseable...
Today's NDP parade rehearsal was soOo routine... ( o_O ) Geez... Wonder why they need me there... Really! Enuff said abt this stupid NDP thingy... Really not worthed my time and blog-space... Heh!
Well the NDP has certainly given me a bad Saturday... And tomolo's range would complete my disastrous weekend for me... No Sunday = No social life = No off to replace this totally wasted day = Not a very good deal huh? In the name of friendship? Gawd... If he's smart enuff and resourceful enuff... This self-sacrifice was uncalled for... Moreover... They are having a nite shoot! GEEZ! Gimme a break!
Well... In a couple of hours' time I would be in a cinema with this gal fren of mine... Not exactly girlfren... Juz a female fren... And we're watching MiB2!!! WeEe... Heard a lot of positive comments on this one... Heh! She used to be someone I liked too... But someone beat me to her... So... Maybe I can rekindle some chemistry between us tonight? Hehe... Not too sure man... Can't really decide if I'm really ready to commit to someone... Oh well... Shall post another blog right after I come back from my mid-night show... Until then... d ( ^o^ ) b
Today's NDP parade rehearsal was soOo routine... ( o_O ) Geez... Wonder why they need me there... Really! Enuff said abt this stupid NDP thingy... Really not worthed my time and blog-space... Heh!
Well the NDP has certainly given me a bad Saturday... And tomolo's range would complete my disastrous weekend for me... No Sunday = No social life = No off to replace this totally wasted day = Not a very good deal huh? In the name of friendship? Gawd... If he's smart enuff and resourceful enuff... This self-sacrifice was uncalled for... Moreover... They are having a nite shoot! GEEZ! Gimme a break!
Well... In a couple of hours' time I would be in a cinema with this gal fren of mine... Not exactly girlfren... Juz a female fren... And we're watching MiB2!!! WeEe... Heard a lot of positive comments on this one... Heh! She used to be someone I liked too... But someone beat me to her... So... Maybe I can rekindle some chemistry between us tonight? Hehe... Not too sure man... Can't really decide if I'm really ready to commit to someone... Oh well... Shall post another blog right after I come back from my mid-night show... Until then... d ( ^o^ ) b
Thursday, July 11, 2002
Today at work was certainly "exciting"... Due to the occasional hiccups caused by the obselete PCs... The labourous work could go missing for no apparent reason... There's this once when the pics in my document screwed me up pretty badly... I sure had a shock when I saw them... Hopefully the problem is solved for good...
Sadly... I was almost unable to find any one of my coursemates for breakfast today... If they aren't on OFF... Then they're on LEAVE... Or MC... Or in Gombak... Or for some other cock reason.. They're juz not ard... Felt kind of bad actually... Some of them MAMBO-ed at ZOUK last night... Hence this accounts for their collective disappearance... Kept reviewing the document for the entire day... Wasted a LOT of paper in the process... GAWD... Feel so sinful oredi...
The highlight of the day has to be meeting up with "her"... (As mentioned before...) I arrived at the shopping mall half an hour early... Shopped ard for a nice cute teddy bear... And got it wrapped... Went to POPULAR to make use of their stationary there to write a little note... Hahaha... Damn cheapskate sial... Met up with her and bought our movie ticks to the show... "Bend It Like Beckham"... After which... I ate dinner... Apparently she's still sick and can't really eat fried foodstuffs... (NOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?) Can't finish my food either and headed straight for the cinema... I presented her the bear juz before the show started... Sadly... She didn't react "gratefully" enuff... And was kind of a turn-off... I thought she would have absolutely LOVED it...
The show was really cute at times... With the director making fun of the conservative Indian culture... Especially their accent.. Haha! The part where the "happening" Mum thought that her daughter was a lesbian... That was the ultimate... I almost exploded... Strangely enuff... If I didn't notice wrongly... That same "happening" Mum had hair growing our of her *Ahem*... Valley... Nice little love story but not well-developed enuff I felt... Anyway... I now know how the CUP size for gals is being measured... HEH...
At the end of the show.. I walked her to her bus-booth... (Watever it's called...) A million and one thought ran thru my mind... With regards to me and her... I really dunno wat should be the rightful outcome of this bizarre relationship... Should I dwell in it? Or should I move on? Can't seem to decide...
Whilst on my way home... I ran into a bunch of rowdy kids.... 13, 15, 16 years of age... Kind of reminded me of my glorious days back then... But a lot more well-behaved... There's this really-ultimately sweet lovely angel amongst them whom in my honest opinion... Didn't quite fit in... She's so soft... And quiet... Unlike her frens... And I wonder... Wat's their relationship like? Actually I caught her looking at me a couple of times too... Or should I say... I was caught looking at her all the time? Haha... She eventually got off at JE... Hmmm... That's... Good... Hehe...
Chatted up with one of her mates and got to know that they're all from Track... Juz finished their training at AJC... Woah... Dedicated huh? Sounds like me? NOT!!! Well... She's one of the oldest of the lot... 16 I guess... And... She's of mixed blood... WeEe! Malay and Japanese blood apparently... Weird combi... Jap Mom... Malay Dad... Gawd... Her mom must have be blind... Hopefully I can get to know her on a personal note... Pls pls pls!!! Not that I'm desperate... But... Life's so unfair!!! Gimme a lucky break for once pls!
Sadly... I was almost unable to find any one of my coursemates for breakfast today... If they aren't on OFF... Then they're on LEAVE... Or MC... Or in Gombak... Or for some other cock reason.. They're juz not ard... Felt kind of bad actually... Some of them MAMBO-ed at ZOUK last night... Hence this accounts for their collective disappearance... Kept reviewing the document for the entire day... Wasted a LOT of paper in the process... GAWD... Feel so sinful oredi...
The highlight of the day has to be meeting up with "her"... (As mentioned before...) I arrived at the shopping mall half an hour early... Shopped ard for a nice cute teddy bear... And got it wrapped... Went to POPULAR to make use of their stationary there to write a little note... Hahaha... Damn cheapskate sial... Met up with her and bought our movie ticks to the show... "Bend It Like Beckham"... After which... I ate dinner... Apparently she's still sick and can't really eat fried foodstuffs... (NOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?) Can't finish my food either and headed straight for the cinema... I presented her the bear juz before the show started... Sadly... She didn't react "gratefully" enuff... And was kind of a turn-off... I thought she would have absolutely LOVED it...
The show was really cute at times... With the director making fun of the conservative Indian culture... Especially their accent.. Haha! The part where the "happening" Mum thought that her daughter was a lesbian... That was the ultimate... I almost exploded... Strangely enuff... If I didn't notice wrongly... That same "happening" Mum had hair growing our of her *Ahem*... Valley... Nice little love story but not well-developed enuff I felt... Anyway... I now know how the CUP size for gals is being measured... HEH...
At the end of the show.. I walked her to her bus-booth... (Watever it's called...) A million and one thought ran thru my mind... With regards to me and her... I really dunno wat should be the rightful outcome of this bizarre relationship... Should I dwell in it? Or should I move on? Can't seem to decide...
Whilst on my way home... I ran into a bunch of rowdy kids.... 13, 15, 16 years of age... Kind of reminded me of my glorious days back then... But a lot more well-behaved... There's this really-ultimately sweet lovely angel amongst them whom in my honest opinion... Didn't quite fit in... She's so soft... And quiet... Unlike her frens... And I wonder... Wat's their relationship like? Actually I caught her looking at me a couple of times too... Or should I say... I was caught looking at her all the time? Haha... She eventually got off at JE... Hmmm... That's... Good... Hehe...
Chatted up with one of her mates and got to know that they're all from Track... Juz finished their training at AJC... Woah... Dedicated huh? Sounds like me? NOT!!! Well... She's one of the oldest of the lot... 16 I guess... And... She's of mixed blood... WeEe! Malay and Japanese blood apparently... Weird combi... Jap Mom... Malay Dad... Gawd... Her mom must have be blind... Hopefully I can get to know her on a personal note... Pls pls pls!!! Not that I'm desperate... But... Life's so unfair!!! Gimme a lucky break for once pls!
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Dear all...
I'm re-creating my BLOGspot cos I haven't been diligently posting my entries here on the net... Well it's never too late to start another one so here I am... Back with determination...
Life's been pretty straight forward since I left OCS Air Wing for Chong Pang camp... Upon returning... I was presented with yet another uphill task... To complete the Seminar Presentation... Gawd... This one's gonna be a little bit tricky... Cos it involves multi-media shit and all that... Something that's alien to me... Nevertheless I believe I'm gonna learn something out of it and shall undertake it with much enthusiasm... *I hope*
Actually... I am quite in a dilema... "To be or not to be?" is the question... There's this new gal in my life... Sweet... Strong in character... Had that alluring smile... Short-tempered at times... (Not a problem for me... I always thought that gals ought to be humoured constantly... So "taming" her and her temper can be challenging... Haha... Or is it?) She's almost every bit I would want in a gal as my partner... ALMOST... There's this small problem... She's 5 years older than me...
Perhaps all those liberal and optimistic people out there might think... This isn't a problem... It's juz a psychological self-imposed problem embedded in me~! Or is it?~! And there's this other thing... She's due to be married with her boyfriend sometime next year... Sigh... Give it up? Dun come in between a happy couple? I... I... guess so...
I'm re-creating my BLOGspot cos I haven't been diligently posting my entries here on the net... Well it's never too late to start another one so here I am... Back with determination...
Life's been pretty straight forward since I left OCS Air Wing for Chong Pang camp... Upon returning... I was presented with yet another uphill task... To complete the Seminar Presentation... Gawd... This one's gonna be a little bit tricky... Cos it involves multi-media shit and all that... Something that's alien to me... Nevertheless I believe I'm gonna learn something out of it and shall undertake it with much enthusiasm... *I hope*
Actually... I am quite in a dilema... "To be or not to be?" is the question... There's this new gal in my life... Sweet... Strong in character... Had that alluring smile... Short-tempered at times... (Not a problem for me... I always thought that gals ought to be humoured constantly... So "taming" her and her temper can be challenging... Haha... Or is it?) She's almost every bit I would want in a gal as my partner... ALMOST... There's this small problem... She's 5 years older than me...
Perhaps all those liberal and optimistic people out there might think... This isn't a problem... It's juz a psychological self-imposed problem embedded in me~! Or is it?~! And there's this other thing... She's due to be married with her boyfriend sometime next year... Sigh... Give it up? Dun come in between a happy couple? I... I... guess so...
